Many are asking how Kass is doing. Bottom Line: well. Her pain is mainly rated a 3, but she has breakthrough pain at a 5. The only "pain" medication she is on is Motrin (a hefty dosage). Otherwise, the Chronic Pain Docs are working with different nerve blocker meds.
For Kass, who has lived with some degree of daily pain since September, a pain level at 3 or 4 is nothing. The new wrench in the gears is the "altered realities" that the drugs are giving her. She has two main sensations. First, she describes that her body is between two magnets, and they are pulling her in different directions. She will say things like, "My arm is being pulled this way, but at the same time, it's pulling that way." She also describes walking on clouds, or playing the game in Nemo where they jump from jellyfish to jellyfish. After such an intense ordeal, it is entertaining for all of us to have some comic relief!
The only downside, is that school is "not happening". Though her head doesn't "hurt" too badly, she is not "all there". Comparative analysis on Socrates and Homer is on a different level than her Nemo jellyfish game. So that she doesn't go mad, she is reading the Hunger Games trilogy, and correcting the grammatical errors of the author. *sigh* She also spent some time dipping and decorating strawberries in chocolate, and making a cheesecake for Valentines Day.
Kevin and I have great plans to catch up - and get ahead - on work today. I also have plans to clean the house, do the laundry, and get Kimber back on track with school. It will be interesting how much I will actually accomplish!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Beam Me Home, Scotty!
To pull at an old thread, yesterday, when Kass was feeling better, she was finally ready to hear me read aloud the blogs I've been writing. We were laughing and discussing the things that had happened these past 5 days. Surprised to hear some of the stories that she didn't remember, several times she'd say, "Mom! You DIDN'T write that!". When it came to the part about the four dimples, already giggling, she said, "Mom, look!", and flashed me all four! Goof! Kevin and Kimber had already left for the Mystery Party, so it was fun for Kass and I to visit and laugh. Later, her friend Michaela came for a visit. There are very few times I can recall that I could describe Kass as "giddy with happiness", but last night was one of them. True friendship was the best medicine she'd had all week!
Some people describe life as a windy road with twists and turns. Tho' I understand the analogy, that's not how I feel AT ALL! If you stay on the same road, then it's all the same journey. I feel like I had an out-of-this-universe experience. As I'm sitting here trying to gather my thoughts, I'm going to stick with an analogy of life as "Beam Me Up, Scotty" in Star Trek. One moment you're on the holodeck of the Starship Enterprise, and a few twinkling bling moments later, you've been transported to a different reality. Five days ago, I was lounging in this same position of my holodeck, checking emails and Facebook. So much has happened, yet here I am again - doing the same old thing as if nothing has changed. What in the world happened during all that twinkling bling?
Kass woke up this morning with a 6 pain level, which slowly worked it's way down to a 4/3+. The doctor released us this morning, which translates: the paperwork wasn't done until 1pm. While they were working on the discharge, Kimber and I ran across the street to the McHouse to clean. Although they only charge $10 a day, they ask that you clean the bathroom, dust, vacuum, take out the trash, and wash the linens when you leave. As much as I thought it would be nice for our family to someday help out others by making a dinner for people who have hospitalized children, I've now reconsidered; if you want to serve a family at the Ronald McDonald House, offer to clean their room. When you finally get to go home, you just want to leave!
When we left the hospital, Kass wanted to see this "McHouse" we've been talking about all week. We all drove back together, and Kim was able to show her all the knick-knack displays, curios, and the library. Then they both checked out the candy / snack corner and selected some goodies.
Temple was 46 degrees when we left; by the time we reached Williamson County, it was 34 and snowing! No accumulation, but it was still fun! There might be a tiny bit more tonight, so we are hoping and praying!
How quickly life returned to normal. As soon as we got home, I ran to the pharmacy, blockbuster, and the market while Kevin worked on unpacking bags. By the time I got dinner on the table, Kimber was relaxing in front of the TV, Kass was checking Facebook at the breakfast table, and Kevin was reclining his cracked ribs by the fireplace and checking his eyelids for leaks. Life picked up where we left off; Kimber is pacing around looking for something/anything to do, Kass is loitering in the kitchen looking for something/anything to eat (even though I just got back from the market, there's still nothing "good"), and Kevin is checking and answering email. The dishwasher hums in the background, and the pets are competing for attention. Though no one is talking, I hear the mundane normalcy of my family.
Me? I don't really know what just happened. I remember the beginning, the middle, and the end. But I just can't seem to put them all together to make sense. Like the transporter, you can see that the people on the holodeck start in one place and end up in another, but what happened during the twinkle bling part?...
So, what was wrong with Kass? What happened? We don't really now for sure right now. They're generalizing it as "Chronic Pain". She may have injured her nerves during The Hug Incident. It may be a side affect of brain surgery - that she will suffer from chronic headaches. It may be a weird thing that we'll never know.
For now, she definitely still has a headache. It never went a way completely. We will be following up with different specialists to try to make life more manageable for her on a day to day basis. Hopefully, we will find some answers. The medication that she currently takes will make her tired. We anticipate that she will be able to continue to handle a reasonable amount of school work, but we may have to lessen her load.
Knowing how spent us old folks are, and tired of being tied down to a bed and an IV, Kass is up and down off the couch every 10 minutes - as if nothing had ever happened. On her way to bed, she just bent over and gave me a kiss good-night. It's freaky how quickly things change! 24 hours ago, the roles were reversed, I was kissing her, and I controlled the remote.
I'm not sure if this is the end of the episode or the series, but either way, we thank you for all your prayers and concern. Live long and prosper!
Some people describe life as a windy road with twists and turns. Tho' I understand the analogy, that's not how I feel AT ALL! If you stay on the same road, then it's all the same journey. I feel like I had an out-of-this-universe experience. As I'm sitting here trying to gather my thoughts, I'm going to stick with an analogy of life as "Beam Me Up, Scotty" in Star Trek. One moment you're on the holodeck of the Starship Enterprise, and a few twinkling bling moments later, you've been transported to a different reality. Five days ago, I was lounging in this same position of my holodeck, checking emails and Facebook. So much has happened, yet here I am again - doing the same old thing as if nothing has changed. What in the world happened during all that twinkling bling?
Kass woke up this morning with a 6 pain level, which slowly worked it's way down to a 4/3+. The doctor released us this morning, which translates: the paperwork wasn't done until 1pm. While they were working on the discharge, Kimber and I ran across the street to the McHouse to clean. Although they only charge $10 a day, they ask that you clean the bathroom, dust, vacuum, take out the trash, and wash the linens when you leave. As much as I thought it would be nice for our family to someday help out others by making a dinner for people who have hospitalized children, I've now reconsidered; if you want to serve a family at the Ronald McDonald House, offer to clean their room. When you finally get to go home, you just want to leave!
When we left the hospital, Kass wanted to see this "McHouse" we've been talking about all week. We all drove back together, and Kim was able to show her all the knick-knack displays, curios, and the library. Then they both checked out the candy / snack corner and selected some goodies.
Temple was 46 degrees when we left; by the time we reached Williamson County, it was 34 and snowing! No accumulation, but it was still fun! There might be a tiny bit more tonight, so we are hoping and praying!
How quickly life returned to normal. As soon as we got home, I ran to the pharmacy, blockbuster, and the market while Kevin worked on unpacking bags. By the time I got dinner on the table, Kimber was relaxing in front of the TV, Kass was checking Facebook at the breakfast table, and Kevin was reclining his cracked ribs by the fireplace and checking his eyelids for leaks. Life picked up where we left off; Kimber is pacing around looking for something/anything to do, Kass is loitering in the kitchen looking for something/anything to eat (even though I just got back from the market, there's still nothing "good"), and Kevin is checking and answering email. The dishwasher hums in the background, and the pets are competing for attention. Though no one is talking, I hear the mundane normalcy of my family.
Me? I don't really know what just happened. I remember the beginning, the middle, and the end. But I just can't seem to put them all together to make sense. Like the transporter, you can see that the people on the holodeck start in one place and end up in another, but what happened during the twinkle bling part?...
So, what was wrong with Kass? What happened? We don't really now for sure right now. They're generalizing it as "Chronic Pain". She may have injured her nerves during The Hug Incident. It may be a side affect of brain surgery - that she will suffer from chronic headaches. It may be a weird thing that we'll never know.
For now, she definitely still has a headache. It never went a way completely. We will be following up with different specialists to try to make life more manageable for her on a day to day basis. Hopefully, we will find some answers. The medication that she currently takes will make her tired. We anticipate that she will be able to continue to handle a reasonable amount of school work, but we may have to lessen her load.
Knowing how spent us old folks are, and tired of being tied down to a bed and an IV, Kass is up and down off the couch every 10 minutes - as if nothing had ever happened. On her way to bed, she just bent over and gave me a kiss good-night. It's freaky how quickly things change! 24 hours ago, the roles were reversed, I was kissing her, and I controlled the remote.
I'm not sure if this is the end of the episode or the series, but either way, we thank you for all your prayers and concern. Live long and prosper!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Buon giorno Principessa
From the movie Life is Beautiful, it means "Good morning, Princess". If you've never seen this movie, rent it! Kass had a hankering to watch this movie within in the past two weeks. This movie has received dozens of international awards - even though it's a comedy about the holocaust.
One of Kass's favorite sub-plots is the "Buon giorno, Principessa!" romance between the main characters. Most enduring, he never stops reassuring his love for her through his words and actions - even in the most awful situations.
At Children's hospitals, they have Life Care Specialists that come by often to see after the emotional aspects of all four of us. A few days ago (the days all blend) I asked her to paint me a sign that said "Buon giorno, Principessa!". She left it outside so I could surprise Kass while she slept. It took hours and hours (& hours) for her to fall asleep, but when she finally did, I taped it on her wall. (Whew! She only slept for 6 minutes) When Kass woke, she saw the sign, and lifted one corner of her mouth, saying, "How'd you do that?". Didn't even get 1 dimple, but I know she liked it as much as she could under the circumstances.
I sit on my cat dog bench staring at that poster often. What can I do TODAY to simply show my love to Kevin, Kimber, and Kass? Today, I will make an effort to think of ways to make the little things show how much I love them all.
Buon giorno, Principessa! Kass slept 10 hours last night, then woke up with her pain at a 4, and announced she intends to go home...TODAY. Though I've been showered and ready for hours, I let Kimber sleep. Can't wait to go see my baby for myself, but trying to show Kim my love by not rushing her.
One of Kass's favorite sub-plots is the "Buon giorno, Principessa!" romance between the main characters. Most enduring, he never stops reassuring his love for her through his words and actions - even in the most awful situations.
At Children's hospitals, they have Life Care Specialists that come by often to see after the emotional aspects of all four of us. A few days ago (the days all blend) I asked her to paint me a sign that said "Buon giorno, Principessa!". She left it outside so I could surprise Kass while she slept. It took hours and hours (& hours) for her to fall asleep, but when she finally did, I taped it on her wall. (Whew! She only slept for 6 minutes) When Kass woke, she saw the sign, and lifted one corner of her mouth, saying, "How'd you do that?". Didn't even get 1 dimple, but I know she liked it as much as she could under the circumstances.
I sit on my cat dog bench staring at that poster often. What can I do TODAY to simply show my love to Kevin, Kimber, and Kass? Today, I will make an effort to think of ways to make the little things show how much I love them all.
Buon giorno, Principessa! Kass slept 10 hours last night, then woke up with her pain at a 4, and announced she intends to go home...TODAY. Though I've been showered and ready for hours, I let Kimber sleep. Can't wait to go see my baby for myself, but trying to show Kim my love by not rushing her.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Facts are so Boring!
Funny how this morning's blog and perspective prepared me for today. If you've been following, I've been looking for "gems" in every "room". I ended up in many rooms today. I had to look harder in some situations than others, but spent much concentrated effort trying to find little things God left for my encouragement.
Paramedics showed up this morning and took Kass to a Pain Management Clinic for diagnostic treatment. If the nerve block treatment works, then we will know the pain is originating in her neck. She was a champ. The doctor said she needed to give lessons on the proper way to receive (what I imagine is painful) injections to his adult patients. He was impressed by her high tolerance for pain. Of course, I saw it as pitiful; she is so used to pain, she didn't flinch.
After we got back, they carted her off to a cervical MRI. They are looking for a neck injury from The Hug Incident. Still waiting on the results of that.
They have her on a migraine regimen. She is getting her 4th dose as I type. She has 4 left. If it's migraines, this medication will help diagnose. If it's not migraines, this med will rule that out, too.The pain med doc's also have her on too many nerve drugs to mention.
The biggest change, is that they've taken her off all pain killers except a suped up Motrin (and Tylenol if I ask for it.) The doctor doesn't want her on narcotics - especially since they aren't solving the pain. I can see her point. Young, impressionable teen... feels pain, gets med that only fixes it for 30 minutes...then craves it for 3.5 hours. Also, she builds up a tolerance, so she needs more and more and more. Not a good direction to go.
So, all they're calling this is "chronic pain". There's no explanation of where it originated or why or what or when. They don't really seem too intrigued at this stage of the game- they just want to get the pain under control. I, on the other hand, keep scanning the parking lot for the Mystery Machine. There's just GOT to be a reasonable explanation behind this!
The lowest her pain gets is a 6. She usually labels it a 7 or 8. Once she hits the tear level, no one asks.
She wants to go home. That's all I can say about that. (Guess this mama has a tear level, too...)
The new trend is to try to get her to sleep through the pain. She is so tired, but just tossing and turning. She just got her "icky" meds, so I'm hoping that she won't wake up nauseated. Please, please, please sleep through that, too!
Kevin and Kim are at McHouse, and I get a night alone on the cat-dog bench. Looks like a long evening ahead. Feels like that point where you're picking up speed going down-hill; you can't tell whether to laugh and not worry, or scream and bail!
That's it for my fact-filled blah-g. Reads like a boring science report, but I know a lot of people were curious for the facts. I so much would have preferred to talk about all the "gems" and all the unexpected "rooms" I went to today. I guess that after three days of news, I was hoping to be able to report more positive progress for Kass or the doctor's discoveries. I won't think about that today; I'll think about that tomorrow....
Paramedics showed up this morning and took Kass to a Pain Management Clinic for diagnostic treatment. If the nerve block treatment works, then we will know the pain is originating in her neck. She was a champ. The doctor said she needed to give lessons on the proper way to receive (what I imagine is painful) injections to his adult patients. He was impressed by her high tolerance for pain. Of course, I saw it as pitiful; she is so used to pain, she didn't flinch.
After we got back, they carted her off to a cervical MRI. They are looking for a neck injury from The Hug Incident. Still waiting on the results of that.
They have her on a migraine regimen. She is getting her 4th dose as I type. She has 4 left. If it's migraines, this medication will help diagnose. If it's not migraines, this med will rule that out, too.The pain med doc's also have her on too many nerve drugs to mention.
The biggest change, is that they've taken her off all pain killers except a suped up Motrin (and Tylenol if I ask for it.) The doctor doesn't want her on narcotics - especially since they aren't solving the pain. I can see her point. Young, impressionable teen... feels pain, gets med that only fixes it for 30 minutes...then craves it for 3.5 hours. Also, she builds up a tolerance, so she needs more and more and more. Not a good direction to go.
So, all they're calling this is "chronic pain". There's no explanation of where it originated or why or what or when. They don't really seem too intrigued at this stage of the game- they just want to get the pain under control. I, on the other hand, keep scanning the parking lot for the Mystery Machine. There's just GOT to be a reasonable explanation behind this!
The lowest her pain gets is a 6. She usually labels it a 7 or 8. Once she hits the tear level, no one asks.
She wants to go home. That's all I can say about that. (Guess this mama has a tear level, too...)
The new trend is to try to get her to sleep through the pain. She is so tired, but just tossing and turning. She just got her "icky" meds, so I'm hoping that she won't wake up nauseated. Please, please, please sleep through that, too!
Kevin and Kim are at McHouse, and I get a night alone on the cat-dog bench. Looks like a long evening ahead. Feels like that point where you're picking up speed going down-hill; you can't tell whether to laugh and not worry, or scream and bail!
That's it for my fact-filled blah-g. Reads like a boring science report, but I know a lot of people were curious for the facts. I so much would have preferred to talk about all the "gems" and all the unexpected "rooms" I went to today. I guess that after three days of news, I was hoping to be able to report more positive progress for Kass or the doctor's discoveries. I won't think about that today; I'll think about that tomorrow....
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Another Day, Another Dimple
Many people heard that Kass is back in the hospital, but since the details were choppy at best, I thought i'd give a quick blog recap. (Ha! A long-winded person giving a "quick recap")
We had a long day yesterday, and an even longer night. Kass has a beautiful corner private room facing east with an en-suite bathtub. As I watch the sunrise in shades of pink against the purple clouds, I'm trying to grasp the greatness of our God. Unfortunately, the Starbuck protruding on the horizon keeps distracting me and interrupting my thoughts. Much like our circumstance, we are trying to see God's big plan, but I am wrongly focusing on things close at hand. They seem so important now, but are truly inconsequential on a grander scale. (or is it a Grande scale?)
Last Saturday, January 28, Kass and Kimber's Awana Trek Team won first place. As you can imagine, there was great celebration - Jr. High Mosh Pit style. In the excitement, a team-mate hugged her neck (surgical site) while jumping up and down. She immediately "felt" it, and started experiencing headaches again. They have been progressing over the past 10 days. Though we had MRI's and appointments scheduled, yesterday morning at 7, she said, "You need to take me to the hospital to get morphine." Simply, the pain is no longer tolerable or manageable.
We went to Dell Children's in Austin. Within 30 minutes of walking in the door, they had already given her the morphine - even though we hadn't seen the doctor. Sadly, the morphine didn't touch the pain. They gave her something stronger. That seemed to help for a while. When her pain returns, the base pain slowly rises, but there are spikes of pain that come in waves. Before I get ahead of myself, Dell would not admit her because they did not do the original surgery. Though they tried to contact our neuro-surgeon for several hours, he was in surgery (surprise) and would not answer his page. Finally, he "accepted her", so Kevin and Kass took the hour+ ambulance ride to Temple Children's.
In the meantime, I stopped by Kimber's school to reassure her. It was 10 minutes well spent, but difficult to be so torn. I also ran home, packed, and ran to the hospital. We are so blessed to have 75mph speed limits in Texas! No need to speed illegally.
Another side note is that Kevin has a few cracked ribs from a friendly football game on Sunday. He was planning to spend the day on the laptop in bed - propped up with pillows and water with bendy straws. Instead, he sat in waiting room chairs, and rode sideways in an ambulance.
Too bad I don't need to explain the ER experience - as everyone from America knows the drill. In a nutshell, she had an MRI, and we waited for the doctor to bring results. In all, we were in "ER" from 815 until 445 until we had an answer. The MRI shows nothing from a surgical standpoint. The drugs that "help-but-don't-help" are becoming less and less effective after every dosage. She was finally able to articulate that the drugs don't really help with the pain, but they make her loopy enough not to concentrate on anything, so she just ignores it. I'm not sure if she sleeps or rests; if it's sleep, it's not deep.
The doctors on the night shift don't really know what to make of it. So far, she's seen 6 doctors that all go through the same barrage of questions (which is getting REALLY bothersome to her). The general consensus is that every test they run is normal, but they can see that she is "clinically" not right. We've gone from honest humility of, "I have no idea, but I'll try to make her comfortable", to other logical ideas that I'm not against trying. So far, nothing seems to be making a difference.
Kevin went home last night. Sadly, we read that homes in our city were robbed in broad daylight (while people were home) and something about a tazer. I don't know the details, but Kevin does. Since that news report, he won't leave Kimber home alone to do homeschool. As I type, the two of them are on their way up - trying to get here before shift change and we start all over again. Instead of annoyance (which is close to the surface) I choose to see it as a fresh set of eyes on the problem. As Melinda Mullis said, it is similar to House; a group of doctors trying to figure it out. Everyone who knows me knows that I can certainly provide enough drama for a TV show.
For Kass, she basically is to the point of pain (and exhaustion) that she no longer moves or speaks. When they ask her something, she says, "Ask her". When they ask her to rate her pain she says, "It hurts." I know the pain is increasing when her breathing has unintentional little animal whimper noises. I know the pain is bad when tears roll down her face - even when she's "snoring". I'm not sure if it's the nausea or what, but she also says, "I don't feel good," but can't describe more or be more specific.
Kass has four dimples; two that most people see, and two that rarely make an appearance. Only when she smiles REALLY big and is REALLY happy about something will all four show up. I can rate her happiness by how many dimples I see. Many times, when she wants something like a new book or a GiGi's cupcake, she will bribe me by saying, "I'll show you my dimples!" As I watched her face pinched and drawn from the pain last night, I couldn't help reflecting how much I wanted her to be at the point where she can flash me a four dimple smile. It seems so far off...
Finally, I am wondering at what point I push her being transferred to Houston Children's (#2 nation pediatric neurology). I've mentioned it (more than once), but it's somewhat insulting to the doctors. I try to be as nice and apologetic as I can be, but it is my baby!
So, for those of you praying. Please pray that we can figure out how to manage pain for the immediate. If she could truly be comfortable, then we could be more patient waiting for the diagnosis. Please pray for poor Kimber; it's not easy being trapped in a no-win situation where you want to be with your sister, but don't want to watch her in pain. Pray for Kevin to be able to get comfortable and relax with his ribs while he sits in these hospital chairs. (Once he's sitting, he's fine. It's just moving and breathing that bugs him.) Pray that we could find a "Doctor Dream Team" that would figure out what in the world is happening, and that they'd find the right treatment. Pray that we would focus on the big picture instead of the little things.
The sun just poked over the clouds. I can't see the Starbucks sign even if I tried. If I try to look at the sunrise, it's power is too strong. At this eye-level I can't see the sun, but I can feel the warmth on my cheek. It's light is casting one small beam on Kassie's face - right where those four dimples would be! I'm reassured; I know where my Hope lies.
We had a long day yesterday, and an even longer night. Kass has a beautiful corner private room facing east with an en-suite bathtub. As I watch the sunrise in shades of pink against the purple clouds, I'm trying to grasp the greatness of our God. Unfortunately, the Starbuck protruding on the horizon keeps distracting me and interrupting my thoughts. Much like our circumstance, we are trying to see God's big plan, but I am wrongly focusing on things close at hand. They seem so important now, but are truly inconsequential on a grander scale. (or is it a Grande scale?)
Last Saturday, January 28, Kass and Kimber's Awana Trek Team won first place. As you can imagine, there was great celebration - Jr. High Mosh Pit style. In the excitement, a team-mate hugged her neck (surgical site) while jumping up and down. She immediately "felt" it, and started experiencing headaches again. They have been progressing over the past 10 days. Though we had MRI's and appointments scheduled, yesterday morning at 7, she said, "You need to take me to the hospital to get morphine." Simply, the pain is no longer tolerable or manageable.
We went to Dell Children's in Austin. Within 30 minutes of walking in the door, they had already given her the morphine - even though we hadn't seen the doctor. Sadly, the morphine didn't touch the pain. They gave her something stronger. That seemed to help for a while. When her pain returns, the base pain slowly rises, but there are spikes of pain that come in waves. Before I get ahead of myself, Dell would not admit her because they did not do the original surgery. Though they tried to contact our neuro-surgeon for several hours, he was in surgery (surprise) and would not answer his page. Finally, he "accepted her", so Kevin and Kass took the hour+ ambulance ride to Temple Children's.
In the meantime, I stopped by Kimber's school to reassure her. It was 10 minutes well spent, but difficult to be so torn. I also ran home, packed, and ran to the hospital. We are so blessed to have 75mph speed limits in Texas! No need to speed illegally.
Another side note is that Kevin has a few cracked ribs from a friendly football game on Sunday. He was planning to spend the day on the laptop in bed - propped up with pillows and water with bendy straws. Instead, he sat in waiting room chairs, and rode sideways in an ambulance.
Too bad I don't need to explain the ER experience - as everyone from America knows the drill. In a nutshell, she had an MRI, and we waited for the doctor to bring results. In all, we were in "ER" from 815 until 445 until we had an answer. The MRI shows nothing from a surgical standpoint. The drugs that "help-but-don't-help" are becoming less and less effective after every dosage. She was finally able to articulate that the drugs don't really help with the pain, but they make her loopy enough not to concentrate on anything, so she just ignores it. I'm not sure if she sleeps or rests; if it's sleep, it's not deep.
The doctors on the night shift don't really know what to make of it. So far, she's seen 6 doctors that all go through the same barrage of questions (which is getting REALLY bothersome to her). The general consensus is that every test they run is normal, but they can see that she is "clinically" not right. We've gone from honest humility of, "I have no idea, but I'll try to make her comfortable", to other logical ideas that I'm not against trying. So far, nothing seems to be making a difference.
Kevin went home last night. Sadly, we read that homes in our city were robbed in broad daylight (while people were home) and something about a tazer. I don't know the details, but Kevin does. Since that news report, he won't leave Kimber home alone to do homeschool. As I type, the two of them are on their way up - trying to get here before shift change and we start all over again. Instead of annoyance (which is close to the surface) I choose to see it as a fresh set of eyes on the problem. As Melinda Mullis said, it is similar to House; a group of doctors trying to figure it out. Everyone who knows me knows that I can certainly provide enough drama for a TV show.
For Kass, she basically is to the point of pain (and exhaustion) that she no longer moves or speaks. When they ask her something, she says, "Ask her". When they ask her to rate her pain she says, "It hurts." I know the pain is increasing when her breathing has unintentional little animal whimper noises. I know the pain is bad when tears roll down her face - even when she's "snoring". I'm not sure if it's the nausea or what, but she also says, "I don't feel good," but can't describe more or be more specific.
Kass has four dimples; two that most people see, and two that rarely make an appearance. Only when she smiles REALLY big and is REALLY happy about something will all four show up. I can rate her happiness by how many dimples I see. Many times, when she wants something like a new book or a GiGi's cupcake, she will bribe me by saying, "I'll show you my dimples!" As I watched her face pinched and drawn from the pain last night, I couldn't help reflecting how much I wanted her to be at the point where she can flash me a four dimple smile. It seems so far off...
Finally, I am wondering at what point I push her being transferred to Houston Children's (#2 nation pediatric neurology). I've mentioned it (more than once), but it's somewhat insulting to the doctors. I try to be as nice and apologetic as I can be, but it is my baby!
So, for those of you praying. Please pray that we can figure out how to manage pain for the immediate. If she could truly be comfortable, then we could be more patient waiting for the diagnosis. Please pray for poor Kimber; it's not easy being trapped in a no-win situation where you want to be with your sister, but don't want to watch her in pain. Pray for Kevin to be able to get comfortable and relax with his ribs while he sits in these hospital chairs. (Once he's sitting, he's fine. It's just moving and breathing that bugs him.) Pray that we could find a "Doctor Dream Team" that would figure out what in the world is happening, and that they'd find the right treatment. Pray that we would focus on the big picture instead of the little things.
The sun just poked over the clouds. I can't see the Starbucks sign even if I tried. If I try to look at the sunrise, it's power is too strong. At this eye-level I can't see the sun, but I can feel the warmth on my cheek. It's light is casting one small beam on Kassie's face - right where those four dimples would be! I'm reassured; I know where my Hope lies.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Surf and Turf
I love Surf and Turf! There is nothing like ordering the best - fresh lobster and a choice cut steak. The buttery richness is so enjoyable in the moment, but then always seems to sit like a lump in your stomach for the rest of the evening. But, isn't it worth it; aren't delicious moments worth later annoyances?
I love the ocean, and there's nothing like it. Freezing waves, blistering skin, rotting kelp, and stinging jellyfish are absolutely worth the beauty and serenity of the beach. The ocean is absolutely mesmerizing with the continuous crashing waves. From the sand, you safely observe it's power. From the shoreline, you experience a false sense of security; at any moment the tide can change and shift the sand from under your feet. From the ocean surf, you are convinced of your insignificance; you're at risk of being tossed at any moment beyond your limits. Your position can greatly impact your perspective.
Kass shares my love and respect of the ocean. I am hoping that this will help her appreciate the ebbs and flows of what she again faces. Her headaches seem to have returned with a vengeance. Again, she finds the pain debilitating, and she is unable to keep her focus and clarity. We are facing another round of testing and doctor visits - and of course, The Unknown. Instead of being scared or annoyed - as some are of the ocean - my prayer for her is that she has an appreciation for life. Like the beach, she has a certain amount of control over her perspective; will she focus on the annoyances of life, or accept life in it's entirety? As the headaches crash down on her wave after wave, how will she respond? I pray that her trust in God will allow her to safely observe His Power, and that she will not be tossed beyond her limits.
I would be remiss with my analogy if I didn't give a moment to discuss the turf. The surf and turf that I'm familiar with is the horse races in Del Mar. For those not from CA, the racetrack is in a lovely green valley a few blocks from the coast. After the races, it is tradition to have a fresh surf-n-turf dinner on the beach while watching the sunset. You can't have races without a coastal sunset dinner, namely ordering the surf-n-turf. (It's just a San Diego thing!)
Apparently, Kevin couldn't let Kass be The Surf without him being the trampled Turf. (It's just a Dad thing!) For his part of the bargain, he played an innocent game of "touch" football for Super Bowl Sunday, and decided to spend the evening in the ER with a few cracked ribs. Whoops. It was just one of those things.
I told Kevin that this Dr. Mom was seriously considering going back to school to get paid for my nursing skills. My Dear told me that I don't need no mo' schoolin'...I'm ready to skip straight to the certification exams! I think I'd rather have a vacation on the beach in Del Mar!
I love the ocean, and there's nothing like it. Freezing waves, blistering skin, rotting kelp, and stinging jellyfish are absolutely worth the beauty and serenity of the beach. The ocean is absolutely mesmerizing with the continuous crashing waves. From the sand, you safely observe it's power. From the shoreline, you experience a false sense of security; at any moment the tide can change and shift the sand from under your feet. From the ocean surf, you are convinced of your insignificance; you're at risk of being tossed at any moment beyond your limits. Your position can greatly impact your perspective.
Kass shares my love and respect of the ocean. I am hoping that this will help her appreciate the ebbs and flows of what she again faces. Her headaches seem to have returned with a vengeance. Again, she finds the pain debilitating, and she is unable to keep her focus and clarity. We are facing another round of testing and doctor visits - and of course, The Unknown. Instead of being scared or annoyed - as some are of the ocean - my prayer for her is that she has an appreciation for life. Like the beach, she has a certain amount of control over her perspective; will she focus on the annoyances of life, or accept life in it's entirety? As the headaches crash down on her wave after wave, how will she respond? I pray that her trust in God will allow her to safely observe His Power, and that she will not be tossed beyond her limits.
I would be remiss with my analogy if I didn't give a moment to discuss the turf. The surf and turf that I'm familiar with is the horse races in Del Mar. For those not from CA, the racetrack is in a lovely green valley a few blocks from the coast. After the races, it is tradition to have a fresh surf-n-turf dinner on the beach while watching the sunset. You can't have races without a coastal sunset dinner, namely ordering the surf-n-turf. (It's just a San Diego thing!)
Apparently, Kevin couldn't let Kass be The Surf without him being the trampled Turf. (It's just a Dad thing!) For his part of the bargain, he played an innocent game of "touch" football for Super Bowl Sunday, and decided to spend the evening in the ER with a few cracked ribs. Whoops. It was just one of those things.
I told Kevin that this Dr. Mom was seriously considering going back to school to get paid for my nursing skills. My Dear told me that I don't need no mo' schoolin'...I'm ready to skip straight to the certification exams! I think I'd rather have a vacation on the beach in Del Mar!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Clean. The. Bathrooms.
All I EVER WANTED was to simply Clean. The. Bathrooms.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
So I got my Bathroom Cleaner.
But, if you give a mom Bathroom Cleaner...
She's going to want to vacuum the floor before she starts...
Once she's put on her fashion cleaning gloves and is elbow deep in disinfectant, she's going to want to take them off to drive the child to math class...
Since her gloves are off, she might as well give the other child a spelling test...
During the spelling test, the mom will probably want to slurp down a bowl of granola...
While rinsing her bowl in the kitchen sink, she will probably notice that the kitchen fairies forgot to scrub last night's roast chicken pan...
Clean. The. Bathrooms.
On her way back to the bathroom, she'll probably decide to make her bed as she trips over the mound of decorative pillows scattered on the floor...
When she moves the iPad off the bed, she'll probably decide to quickly check email...
Seeing that 2 more seniors have emailed their Citation info, she might update her power-point presentation for Saturday...
While cleaning the shower, she has a "meeting" with her husband and realizes she has a Ministry Team email that needs to be sent ASAP...
Inevitably, right before she hits the send key, shouts will be heard throughout the house that the internet is down AGAIN...
She will lovingly give her husband a peck on the cheek as she passes off the iPad and I.T. responsibilities to him...
Clean! The! Bathroom!
As she fills up the mop bucket in the laundry room, she will decide that the laundry room should have a quick once-over, too...
If she vacuums herself out of the laundry room, she will find herself in the hall...
Realizing the hall needs a pick-me-up, she will briskly make her way down the hall until she finds the bird cage...
"Perhaps if i just clean the bird cage, there won't be so many seeds on the floor?"
On the way to put the vacuum away, it would also makes great sense to quickly vacuum the master bedroom...
Clean. The. Upstairs. Bathroom.
Perhaps- just this once - she will attempt to sweep the floor instead of vacuuming...
On the way up the stairs with the broom (which she will congratulate herself over being much lighter than the vacuum), she will give the banister railings a quick "sweeping"...
Shrieks from downstairs will alert her to her error as the dust rains on the couch below, "Maaaawwwwmm! What is that?"
After venting her frustration by smacking the baseboards with the broom on her way back down the stairs, she will need to get out the vacuum AGAIN...
After vacuuming the dust off the couch, she will need to move on to the lampshades, drapes, and electronics...
Then, putting the vacuum away, she will determinedly go back upstairs to CLEAN. THE. BATHROOM...
She will find a shut door - occupied.
Coming back down, she will check her email again, only to find 5 more slides to be created for the powerpoint...
With a deep breath of determination, this time she may only get halfway up the stairs, only to come back down and give a different spelling test...
Comparing and contrasting the need for spelling tests verses the advantages of spell check, the doorbell will ring - Fed Ex...
Since her Traffic School Deadline is tomorrow, she will need to drop everything and drive 30 minutes to Court for filing...
Always mindful of the family schedule, she will probably prep dinner and give detailed instructions to her responsible daughter before leaving...
After returning, she might have time for dinner and while she checks email and updates the powerpoint once more before running out the door to Awana...
Because State Championships are on Saturday, she will want to test her endurance by waiting while her girls run drills again and again and again...
Many hours later, the dinner dishes will patiently wait for her attention - right next to that roast pan from the night before...
Because the Cable Guy is coming to fix the internet, she will have to watch who got cut on The Next Great Baker since DVR will be erased tomorrow...
Clean...Thuuhhhh...huh?
The mom will decide that it's time for bed!
Her husband will probably come in carrying something in his hand and ask, "Honey. I found this in the hall, and don't know where it goes. Can you put it away?"...
She will look down and see him handing her Bathroom Cleaner....
But if you give a mom Bathroom Cleaner...
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
So I got my Bathroom Cleaner.
But, if you give a mom Bathroom Cleaner...
She's going to want to vacuum the floor before she starts...
Once she's put on her fashion cleaning gloves and is elbow deep in disinfectant, she's going to want to take them off to drive the child to math class...
Since her gloves are off, she might as well give the other child a spelling test...
During the spelling test, the mom will probably want to slurp down a bowl of granola...
While rinsing her bowl in the kitchen sink, she will probably notice that the kitchen fairies forgot to scrub last night's roast chicken pan...
Clean. The. Bathrooms.
On her way back to the bathroom, she'll probably decide to make her bed as she trips over the mound of decorative pillows scattered on the floor...
When she moves the iPad off the bed, she'll probably decide to quickly check email...
Seeing that 2 more seniors have emailed their Citation info, she might update her power-point presentation for Saturday...
While cleaning the shower, she has a "meeting" with her husband and realizes she has a Ministry Team email that needs to be sent ASAP...
Inevitably, right before she hits the send key, shouts will be heard throughout the house that the internet is down AGAIN...
She will lovingly give her husband a peck on the cheek as she passes off the iPad and I.T. responsibilities to him...
Clean! The! Bathroom!
As she fills up the mop bucket in the laundry room, she will decide that the laundry room should have a quick once-over, too...
If she vacuums herself out of the laundry room, she will find herself in the hall...
Realizing the hall needs a pick-me-up, she will briskly make her way down the hall until she finds the bird cage...
"Perhaps if i just clean the bird cage, there won't be so many seeds on the floor?"
On the way to put the vacuum away, it would also makes great sense to quickly vacuum the master bedroom...
Clean. The. Upstairs. Bathroom.
Perhaps- just this once - she will attempt to sweep the floor instead of vacuuming...
On the way up the stairs with the broom (which she will congratulate herself over being much lighter than the vacuum), she will give the banister railings a quick "sweeping"...
Shrieks from downstairs will alert her to her error as the dust rains on the couch below, "Maaaawwwwmm! What is that?"
After venting her frustration by smacking the baseboards with the broom on her way back down the stairs, she will need to get out the vacuum AGAIN...
After vacuuming the dust off the couch, she will need to move on to the lampshades, drapes, and electronics...
Then, putting the vacuum away, she will determinedly go back upstairs to CLEAN. THE. BATHROOM...
She will find a shut door - occupied.
Coming back down, she will check her email again, only to find 5 more slides to be created for the powerpoint...
With a deep breath of determination, this time she may only get halfway up the stairs, only to come back down and give a different spelling test...
Comparing and contrasting the need for spelling tests verses the advantages of spell check, the doorbell will ring - Fed Ex...
Since her Traffic School Deadline is tomorrow, she will need to drop everything and drive 30 minutes to Court for filing...
Always mindful of the family schedule, she will probably prep dinner and give detailed instructions to her responsible daughter before leaving...
After returning, she might have time for dinner and while she checks email and updates the powerpoint once more before running out the door to Awana...
Because State Championships are on Saturday, she will want to test her endurance by waiting while her girls run drills again and again and again...
Many hours later, the dinner dishes will patiently wait for her attention - right next to that roast pan from the night before...
Because the Cable Guy is coming to fix the internet, she will have to watch who got cut on The Next Great Baker since DVR will be erased tomorrow...
Clean...Thuuhhhh...huh?
The mom will decide that it's time for bed!
Her husband will probably come in carrying something in his hand and ask, "Honey. I found this in the hall, and don't know where it goes. Can you put it away?"...
She will look down and see him handing her Bathroom Cleaner....
But if you give a mom Bathroom Cleaner...
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